As I’ve said I don’t know how many times in the past blog posts I hate not having control.
There is nothing more vile to me then having to utter with some genuine heartbreak, “I don’t know”.
And yet I know nothing.
Sure, I can do long division. I know the history of the American revolution. I know how Star Wars Episode 5 ends.
But I don’t know how to have the perfect life, how to have a life of no regrets and complete happiness. I don’t know… and that’s ok.
Recently I confessed to my mother something I’m still not comfortable discussing with others, even anonymously.
I thought she’d be mad and horrified that I’ve thrown my life away, or at least I’ve thought of it like that for months.
It turns out, even if she is mad, she can be very helpful sometimes.
Who knew a mom could actually be helpful huh?
I’m still trying to learn how to be happy again with a complete 180 happening on my life’s apart direction. It’s a struggle, constant and warlike in nature. Some days are harder than others, while once in a while I can actually find the strength to smile through.
I still have a long way to go.
But as it turns out I can get excited, even if briefly, about what lies ahead.
Sometimes giving up on one distinct course of life, even if it is solid, sensible, and safe, can set you up for a world of possibility. You just have to see the forest for the trees, and have the patience to find the one that whispers dreams and pleasant thoughts to you.