So my attempt at keeping a regular posting schedule died an inglorious death of rotting away and falling deep into the floorboard cracks of my forgotten little online home.
Today I realized I have no idea in hell what I want to do.
I have a ridiculously long list of things I SHOULD do.
Call my new parish about registering as parishioners, call my marriage prep councilor, plan wedding, make hair appointments.
But guess what, surprise surprise, I don’t want to do any of it.
Which makes me wonder how do we distinguish what we have to do, what’s actually worth doing especially when we don’t want to do it, from what we just think we have to do.
Now, the majority of my list is actually pretty important stuff with a fast approaching deadline. But, it’s not an IMMEDIATE deadline…
I know, this is just sounding like a lazy 20 year old trying to justify her procrastination right?
Well guess what, my procrastination in the past has worked fairly well. Whether or not this is because of an over exhausted angel that probably would like to strangle my stupid neck for being, well, stupid if they weren’t so angelic., or perhaps a time set by God that I was supposed to being doing exactly that, I suppose I’ll never know.
But that is my question today.
When is it lazy procrastination, and when is it God simply trying to let you know “Hey, this isn’t meant for you right now. Do something else with your time, this will come later.”
I mean there is a precedence.
God promised him that he would be the father of nations. And then made him wait for decades until he was very much an old man before bringing that about.
It was so long after this promise had been given that Sarah his wife laughed when she heard the angels who came to Abraham tell him she would bear a son. She laughed at God’s message because, quite frankly, it was coming very late and sounded down right ridiculous at that point in time.
Before all this though, Abraham tried to fulfill God’s prophecy of fathering nations himself, and had a son with his wife’s handmaid. Of course, this was Sarah’s idea, one she’d later regret as I remember the story. That all went very badly very quickly. God clearly had a set time in mind at which Abraham would have Isaac, and that was not a near future plan.
So what if when we feel really anxious or stressed about something, it’s not us that’s the problem? I’m not saying this is true for all times that are stressful. Some you do have to push through, but what if occasionally that little whisper we think is temptation telling us to put things off, is actually a gentle message from God saying “Wait for me”?
Is there a way we can tell the difference?
I haven’t the faintest clue, but boy I wish I did.
Today I am going to take it as a message from God that I’m supposed to relax, tomorrow I’ll work.
There’s an old saying that everything has its season.
I get a feeling today wedding planning is not my number one priority.
But now that makes me wonder what is.
What am I supposed to be doing?