Childhood Memories

Visiting Grandma and Grandpa’s zoo has always been hands down my favorite summer vacation spot ever.

If you’ve never been to the St. Louis Zoo I implore you to go check it out.

It’s amazing.

Now, twenty years old and about to go off on my own, I still am in love with this site of magic and wonder.

You can see the exhibits a hundred times and never get bored of seeing them.

As a child, I remember racing ahead with my little sister, anxious to see anything and everything. We would ride the train around, then race back to each location and see the animals again.

You could spend hours there, and we usually do.

Zoos have always been a must see to me, and will remain so well into the future I’m sure.



Hakuna Matata

Every child who has ever been born since 1994 has heard the phrase “Hakuna Matata”. Heck, every child since then has seen the Lion King, knows the songs, and probably has had some major phase in his or her life where said child pretended to be a lion 24/7 for at least three days in a row (probably more like 3 months).

My sister always loved this song, and since the Lion King soundtrack was my first CD ever, attained at the age of five, we had every song and lyric memorized before we knew the multiplication table.

However, I could never really associate myself with a song about “no worries”.

Rather, my all time favorite song was (and still is) Prepared.

Ah yes, my sweet five year old self could not get enough of a song about plotting murder, power, control, and dictatorship.

I was not exactly a disturbed child… just too smart for a five year old.

Blame the homeschooling.

I understood Scar was the villain. How could I not when we literally see him kill his own brother, and order the death of his nephew (spoiler!). I didn’t really understand him on a psychological level. He was the whinny overlooked youngest, and I was the power wielding oldest. But I did sympathize with his need for control, and desire to be recognized as great, as a leader.

His song, despite the parts about murder and conquest, embodied that need and as a little child singing it you start to feel that dictatorial power. You yearn to have control, to be that powerful.

A child’s world is naturally out of control. You can’t do anything on your own, or at least it feels like that. A desire for control is natural (or so all the experts say).

My problem is that I’ve clung to that need for control well beyond my childhood, as I think much of my generation has.

You hear so many people take about anxiety disorders, depression, suicide rates.

Some blame the affect of GMOs and chemicals on the body; some blame the pressures of a screwed up educational system.

But what if it’s just control? Or rather, the desire there of?

When you’re in school you rely on your teachers to tell you what to do.

When you live at home your parents tell you what the plan is.

You control very little except your reactions, your feelings.

However, as a teenager, you’re told you don’t even have proper control of those either.

This is the problem, but is there a solution?

I’m not a psychiatrist, and my intention for this post is not to disclose all the problems of the world or give you an answer for any of them.

What I ask is that you, dear reader, think about your life.

Do you yearn for control, or are you comfortable going with the flow?

Do you have peace of mind not know what the day will bring, or do you need a color-coded schedule, with a purpose for every hour planned two days in advance?

What is your biggest fear?

That might be going a little deeper than just pure control, but honestly my biggest fear is not being in control.

This really sucks when I’m NOT in control of anything, which I’m not and I have to deal with that every. single. day.

My motto will never be “Hakuna Matata”, there’s no way I’ll be worry free enough for that.

However, I’m learning to let go of that need to be “Prepared”, or at least am finding smaller outlets for it so it doesn’t control or apply to the entirety of my life.

Maybe one day  I’ll be able to skip that song when listening to my dear Lion king soundtrack…

Oh who am I kidding, that’s never gonna happen. It’s a great song!


What power craving ballads can you just not stop listening to?